Today's FB memory was a post along the lines of how the first day of the rest of my life is marked by intense sleepiness. True to form, I can barely keep my eyes open this morning. I am so very tired, all I want to do is snuggle a cup of hot soup under blankets. The weather is rainy and chilly and just perfect for this. Back in 2010 I had a 4 yo Rahul to keep me on my toes and now I have a 3.5 yo Beni dedicating himself to the same job!
The one thing that is different though, is how devastated I was when I left Contad. Wiser through experience, this time I gave myself plenty of time to worry and second-guess and fret over my decision while I was still working. By the time November finally ended, I was at peace and really looking forward to my time off. Writing out my worries here helped more than I realised. There's work coming in and I've actually been turning it all down because I recognise I need to rest before I can do anything else at all. For the very first time in my life, I'm not fretting over lost opportunities. There will be something else when I'm ready. And if there isn't, I'll live cheaper. Or something. I'll figure it out.
Vicky are I are committing to a single income household for the immediate future, and a car loan, and two sets of expensive school fees. I've worried about this, but I'm feeling strangely confident anyway. I am more worried about Rahul not getting enough sleep and Beni not getting enough engagement. Like 2010, stopping work is showing me how much my family pays for me to work and I know I'll have to fight off a ton of working mother's guilt to get my head back into freelancing.
I want to read this post when I'm 40 and smile because it was my worries that were misplaced, not my confidence. Make it happen, universe!